Ghost Stories

Black Sheep Farm is haunted. More than likely by the former owner/occupant, Milt. This part of the story of my recent property acquisition seems to be quite fascinating to many. Really? Mischievous cranky-old-man ghost is more interesting than “deep interceptor drains” and “boring-post beetles”? REALLY? Well, OK. I guess it is that time of year.

The property came with a bright red 10-speed bike in the barn with completely flat tires and bent rims. The bike moves freely and often about the property. The electrical in the farmhouse passed inspection as functional and sound. Yet – Lights and electric wall heaters go on and off randomly. Sinkhole opened up at the side of the driveway – sucked my car right into it. The list goes on.

Last known bike sighting: far lower corner of the barn. You can JUST see the back wheel.

YES – it’s been brought to my attention I might be living in a real-time episode of “Scooby-Doo” and I need to call some stoner with a Great Dane to come out in his van with his buddies and help me out, which, on Vashon – totally possible. YES – It’s been brought to my attention that maybe it’s Milt’s late wife Virginia haunting the place because women are just as good at being ghosts, maybe even better, then men, and as such we may be misidentifying the hauntings (We’ll deal with that later, I suppose). YES – it’s an old, long vacant property in a basically rural community with more than a few issues as a result of neglect and a storied, multi-generational history (crazy old photos and documents salvaged, tidied up and returned to the family with all due reverence. But, c’mon – the baby is creepy, right?) so YES – there may be rational explanations for ALL of the spookiness including but not limited to the series of high-risk, epic and brutal accidents that have occurred out there, BUT – NO – the rational explanations are just too belabored – you have to really reach to come up with them. CONCLUSION: It’s haunted. You can just tell.

Flint and I are OK with it. Maybe because Flint lives in Florida with his totally real-life family 11 months a year. Maybe because I’ve always been accepting of other people’s lifestyles and I suppose, by extension, have to be ok with other people’s “afterlifestyles” as well. I mean – knock yourself out if you want to be a ghost. I’m cool. There’s definitely moments of really profound irritation – I mean – seriously, Milt? Could you just leave my silly, fancy hybrid car out of it? He’s like messed with my car in 3 significant ways now. It’s so annoying. But, Milt’s mayhem is mainly just shockers and setbacks. We figure we’ll get used to it.

We also get it. Milt’s family had owned huge swaths of the area and our property specifically for generations before the likes of us and there are generations of the family still in the neighborhood. We believe Milt is pissed the family let it go. At the same time, we can understand why the descendants sold it – the property’s in bad shape. It needs a lot of help. We see both sides of this and we figure we’ll just talk it out with Milt until he’s settled down. We don’t think it’s about us – we think he’s mad at his kids and we’re just getting the fallout. The collateral damaged, if you will. Who amongst us hasn’t misplaced anger at some point? We are, if nothing else, sensitive people. Plus, we’re reasonably sure we found where he lives now. We’re being very careful and respectful. We think he’s here, in this 2’x 2’, totally enclosed house, deep behind the barn, completely surrounded by forest overgrowth. It’s about the size of a child’s dollhouse, but it’s not a dollhouse. Because nothing physical can get in or out of this micro-house. It’s sealed.

So, we’ve got a Black Sheep Farm Ghost Plan: To wit – we say hello and goodbye to Milt always, we discuss everything we’re doing with Milt first, we introduce him around to the visiting dignitaries and contractors and we’re trying to keep as much of his stuff in the places he left it. We’ve decided not to move the tiny ghost house and we visit it often. The red bike hasn’t moved in a few days. I think at the very least we have reached détente.