The Porch Decision [+Epilogue]

Recap:

• In October 2016, I bought a 2-acre property on Vashon Island.
• I spent all my savings, including my formative efforts at retirement savings, doing so. I’m all in.
• I named it “Black Sheep Farm” (Aka “BSF”).
• It is not my primary residence. I continue to live in my rock-solid, West Seattle, 1950’s rambler.
• It features a 1912 farmhouse and 4 outbuildings of unknown vintages in varying states of disrepair.
  • 1 of the outbuildings is a 3,000+ sq. foot barn and arguably the most valuable thing out there – Totally salvageable (Score!)
  • 2 of the outbuildings – the manifesto shed and the garage – Salvageable as well.
  • There are 2 outbuildings that were goners long before I got there, so I don’t count them.
  • 1 of the outbuildings is a greenhouse – It’s touch-and-go.
  • The dilapidated farmhouse – Well….This is where things get crazy.
  • JA’s Mapping Genius

Milestones:

• October ’16: I closed on 10/03 and had boots-on-the-ground immediately – assessing the situation, doing triage and making lists. “The Game Plan” was my first priority.
• November ’16: “Peeling back the layers”. 20+ years of neglect is a lot of layers of overgrown vegetation, water damage and pest infestation. Every kind of bug and rodent has partied hard at BSF. The roofs were toast. See also: Ghost.
• December ’16: See above. But, inside. Plus, more water. Courtesy of weather and the fun reality of a house sitting in the lowest spot of the property. Think: Wood sitting in a full bathtub with the shower running. For 100 years. You get the idea.
• January ’17: New year – New roofs x 4. Taking another hard financial hit, I played the long game and had all the salvageable structures re-roofed at the same time. There were a lot of “Smart” reasons for this, but it still hurt.

• February ’17 – Decisions were made. Hard decisions. Expensive decisions. Decisions with many logistical variables. The struggle is real!

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs):

Why didn’t you just tear down the troubled farmhouse and build something new and fancy? 3 reasons – 1) Because I’m not a rational human being when it comes to abandoned, neglected, unattractive and sickly things. See also: my pets. See also: it’s not the farmhouse’s fault it was built badly and in the wrong place. 2) Because the new construction permitting process on Vashon is reportedly staggeringly difficult. 3) Because I think it’s worth saving and restoring. See also: Got character. See also: I could be wrong.

Is BSF habitable? Not yet. I (or anyone, for that matter) can’t really live there in the current condition. I (or anyone, for that matter) have not even STAYED there overnight. It’s way, WAY too rough still. See also: rat poison.

Have there been any setbacks? HAHHAHA! With a property in this state of disrepair, it’s a setback a minute. I was surprised when the pipes froze, split and flooded the place. I should not have been.

Can I have the barn? Get in line. And, No.

Are you insane? Yes.

Frequently Don’t Ask Questions (FDAQs):

What’s up with the cellar? I don’t want to get into that. Literally.

Do you have any help? I have great, charitable and infinitely patient neighbors – the Witherspoons down the way and Rick&Kristine Dahms next door. They take pity on me often. Also, there’s a 19-year old skater-punk BSF caretaker named Zach. There are technically 2 Zachs, but one of them is more Zach-y than the other one. Also, there’s various tradespeople. All of which are semi-reliable, occasionally present and answer my calls/texts one out of every 15 times. Sometimes. So, the real answer is: No. And, Yes.

How are you paying for this? Please. See also: Don’t ask.

Do your dogs just love it out there? My dogs aren’t allowed out there yet. One of them is too smart and will wreak havoc with the neighboring farm animals (including the beloved black sheep next door) in his anarchist herding dog kinda way. The other one of them is not too smart and will eat anything in his dumpster-diving kinda way. Including potentially eating fossilized poisoned rats. Fences need to go up and poisoned rat mummies must be removed first – both of which take time and money.

Are you going to FARM the property? Yes. That’s 2018’s project. Which may or may not coincide with Armageddon, in which case growing one’s own food won’t be a fun “choice” or interesting “pastime” as much as it’ll be a “survival mechanism”. So, yes.

Here we are now:

[March 2017] When you’re dealing with a project of this magnitude and you have financial constraints, every decision is a big one. Some decisions make themselves. For instance, you can’t actually restore, not to mention live in, a house that has water pouring into it. So, you get the roofs done. Duh. Some decisions, however, end up feeling way more like making hard choices. Taking measure of your priorities. Not fun. Making the porch decision was like that.

When your farmhouse does not have a kitchen, shower, interior walls or heat AND you must pace out the bigger-ticket fixes over time due to budget constraints – a front porch might not seem like it should be the “next” thing. Is the existing porch serviceable? Yes. Sorta. Most of it. Not really. Let’s rephrase: Is the existing porch serviceable enough? Yes. Would it make more sense to spend what little money I have on getting the house more habitable so I can stay over there and I don’t have to be going to-and-fro constantly? Yes. Maybe. Kinda. My dogs can’t come out to BSF with me yet anyway and we don’t have reliable internet connectivity out there yet, either. As long as the dogs need to be fed and I have to work for a living, I will have to commute, regardless. If the existing porch is basically sound, don’t I need a kitchen-bathroom-heat-fences-internet MORE so I could cut out some of the back and forth? Yes. But, on the other hand……

LOOK how horrible the front porch is right now! WHO doesn’t love a great front porch? WHAT about the peek-a-boo view of the water? HOW can you have a farmhouse and not have a great front porch? I’m going on my 6-month anniversary with this place and I need it to be charming! Six months of ugly, dirty, wet, hard, wrong, spooky and overwhelming really wears on a person. Morale is getting low. There are legitimate, non-esthetic, non-emotional reasons, too. The current front porch roof needs to be tied into the new farmhouse roof and the porch needs significant repairs first – significant enough that it’s effectively being entirely redone. Once all that is done, I can get the farmhouse gutter runs across the front completed. I need the gutters tied into downspouts to divert water. Which in turn will be tied into elaborate and very necessary full-scale grading and drainage work.

So, there you have it – Porch next. It’s part of the dream AND it’s part of the drainage. Decision made. Do you want to see the next-next and next-after-that lists? Well, stay tuned. OH – and if you want to come out to BSF and demo the floors, reframe the kitchen and bathroom, dig drainage trenches or clear brush – PLEASE DO! I’m broke and need all the help I can get. In between bouts of bone-crushing hard labor you can sit on the new front porch I blew all my money on and enjoy the view and the fact that you’re way smarter than I am. It’ll be great!

Epilogue 4.14.17

With a project of this scale, the milestone-hitting moments are stunning but fleeting. You take a few minutes to contemplate, appreciate the progress and rest your impossible-dream-restoration-project weary soul. Then, you’re pulled back into the new-now of the plotting and the planning of the next big push. Recent events have served to remind me that it’s a fine idea, however, to take stock, recognize the good work that’s gone before and high-five the team. There is always another milestone to hit. But, there was always a milestone reached to get there.

[More] Before:

Demo:

Framing:

Finishing/Finishes:

After:

It’s very easy to take a deep breath and ponder the greater meanings of life from this porch. Yes, as many have inquired, I do have a banjo player in mind to complete the picture, but he’s being obstinate. It’ll be from this spot-on farmhouse porch that I garner the resources for the next stage, “Phase5”, which you’ll be able to watch unfold in the weeks ahead. To the back of the farmhouse we go!